You know that feeling that you just can’t manage, despite knowing that it’s totally irrational?

You know that behavior that isn’t serving you anymore but you can’t help yourself from doing anyway?

I’ve long been a student of manifestation, and as you may know, the foundational mechanism of manifestation isn’t so much focusing on the thing you want (though it helps), but feeling as you would if that thing were already present in your life.

And I’m not talking about the reflexive response to the question “How are you?” I mean this in our downward spiral moments. The moments of “I’m doomed”, “Things don't work out for me,” “I will never have what I want”, etc.

Repeat after me: NO 👏🏼BAD 👏🏼PARTS👏🏼

It’s no secret that I’ve long been interested in the existential and the mystical. Experiences I’ve had in mediation, with psychedelics and working with dying people have blown open my understanding and experience of consciousness, and thus what it means to be alive, and to be aware that we’re alive.

…just a few of the things aside from clinical training and my own personal healing that I often forget are influencing my work everyday

Okay so I have a fun little story. The last few months I have been DEEP in intentional manifestation work, and just in the last week or so I’ve really been contemplating and aware of the two “tests” of faith and how they’re showing up in my life right now:

Big life changes often cause us to have crises of faith, to question what we believed to be true about ourselves and the world. When we have major transitions (good or bad), we tend to project the fear and stress of the unknown onto places of our wounding (money, body image, worthiness, etc.).

It’s been 15 years since I died by suicide. Yes, I mean literally died.

I started about a year after D Day (how I am now referring to May 11, 2011, the day I hanged myself, my Death Day) and for the summer, and every summer I was home from college, I worked at a flower shop.

I sit to write on the couch that my now ex boyfriend has been sleeping on the last four nights.

I sit to write in my soon-to-be-not home office, surrounded by stacked boxes and an empty bookshelf.

One of the most valuable things I teach my clients is how to trust what they want.

Most have heard the phrase “the body keeps the score”. But what does that really mean?

Not exactly a journaly post, but one that matters. Because even though we do our best, sometimes chaos still finds us.

Much of the work of an end of life doula is done in the expression of two simple statements: