Your Relationship With Your Inner Critic Probably Needs Work

Repeat after me: NO 👏🏼BAD 👏🏼PARTS👏🏼

… But there are definitely some that no longer need to play the role they developed to serve. But by trying to shut them down, or cast them aside, we’re only playing whack-a-mole. Inevitably, they find another way to pop in and take the wheel.

It is natural for us to push against or feel beat down by the negative voices in our head. Many people tell them to shut up or F off, others respond by shrinking in shameful agreement. This causes us to grind against those voices out of spite, or to collapse under their weight and give up, both resulting in burn out, anxiety, or feelings of depression.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) theory posits that there are “no bad parts,” only those that were necessary so that we could continue navigating our external environment— usually they develop in childhood. The problem is they’ve never turned around to see that we’ve aged, become wiser and more resourced. Their strategies are out of date.

The understanding of the “parts” framework helps us see that the voice of our inner critic isn’t you, it's actually a part of you that developed to help you. Maybe this is how your parents spoke to you and you internalized that voice to keep you performing as a means to earn love or approval. Maybe you had big goals and ambitions but co-occurring low self worth, so that critical voice pushed you along your career path but now that same voice is causing you distress and unease… and despite reaching your goals it still remains, along with that self worth issue.

But when we start to bring these parts in, engage with them, inquire about them… they start to feel seen. They start to trust us. No longer being cast aside, this loving attention disarms them. From this place of feeling cared for by our adult Self (intentional capitalization) those once troublesome parts are perfectly happy to give us back the reins and let us lead our lives in peace.